Living In A World Of Sorrows----------

\\Fairy Tale of an Unreachable Love: The Reality (Sherrie & Don)//

Guess you all have read the story i wrote below. Well actually it's all real. Because i wrote down what happen to me in a diary and i wanted to tell it as a story. I uses the irony of the character's name the other way round. Jerry as Don and Dawn as Sherrie coz it rhymes. As for Elva i don't wish to tell who it is because i do not wish to drag her into the picture. For Leong the more i do not wish to mention but anyway it rhymes too. Everything stated is real except the part i died in the car accident. I mean part of me died. Somewhere in my heart. Perhaps you all can just read on as i carry on writing the story from the part just before i met up with a car crash, but this time it's all real.

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After knowing that Sherrie went out with 'Leong' and the fact she went to his house without telling me proves she firstly rejected me of meeting up, hoping that i can make things clearer, she even make things more clearer in her blog for me. I wouldn't blame her if we weren't together in the first place and she say things like 'i have mixed feelings' or 'perhaps I shouldnt make a choice now yet I think I've made a choice didnt I?' in her blog i wouldn't mind. But since we're still together yet she made such comments shows that she's not firm in her feelings and she allow his presence to make a stand in her.

I felt betrayed in love. I wondered if she could put herself in my shoe and feel what i'm going through, but i know it wouldn't happen. That was the last straw. She pushed her luck too far. It died in the process of loving her. There was once a saying, 'Why gave someone a heart to love when eventually you're gonna break it?'. She said she's always like that and she had never changed a bit and i told her i'm always there to aid her but she just pushed it away. Then i already know what a fool i have been. Thought i'm different.

Well, life still goes on. I believe she'll read this and wouldn't get my point but i REALLY hope one day she really does. It's difficult and exhausting now, and my world is destroyed, i don't think i'll recover any sooner and it'll take quite long for me the face another relationship. But i'll still moves on, as i believed that it's painful now, but i know when years later i looked back in the future i know it's just part of my memories.

The Lost Soul|10:01 AM|

\\Fairy Tale of an Unreachable Love (Jerry & Dawn)//

I wrote this on the 7th of Sept '04 and i cried. Yah I know i sound like a puss.

This is a story between a boy, Jerry & a girl named Dawn.

Jerry, 22 this year, just completed his NS was currently looking for a job. He loves to play guitar, write songs, do drawings, loves to cook & at the same time enjoys outdoor activities at the beach. One day, while he was having a great time with his friends at the beach, he got spotted for a beauty pageant. He thought, why not, it'll be a great experiences. And so He went through all the auditions and got into the actual day competition. This is where Dawn first saw Jerry, after so long.

Dawn, who's 19 turning 20 this year, is currently pursuing her studies. She loves shopping, chilling, hanging out with friends and enjoyed beach volleyball. During the day of the competition, Dawn caught a glimpse of him during the competition and she found out that her best friend, Elva, actually knows him and it was through her that they know each other. Jerry didn't won anything. But he knows knowing Dawn he's already feeling like a winner.

On their first date, Jerry got something held up and was late which got Dawn slightly pissed. Nevertheless, they went to have dinner and took a walk around the town after that. Dawn brought her camera and so they decided to take a picture together for the first time. After that Jerry sees Dawn to the train off home before he did. Both went home and were already thinking of seeing each other again.

So a few days later, they meet up again. They went to have her favourite ice-cream, took a walk and decided to head down to the airport for a walk. They played silly games in the train towards the airport, have a great chat along the way and eventually reached the place with the view of the aircraft taking off. Jerry wanted to hold his hands but her hand seems to slipped through his. They sat at the bench together and he took out his camera phone to take more pictures together. This time they looked more like a couple. After a while they decided to leave and while towards the rubbish bin Jerry suddenly carried Dawn and ran towards the bin, of cause to tease her. First time he carried her, she thought. They proceed to the train station and board the last train. This time they were holding hands already. Nothing was said or asked about it and they carried on chatting. When he finally send her back home, she began to send him a message asking on their status and he confirmed. The next day they went to the beach together as their first official date together along with their friends. As of this point you must be still wondering in the first place the story mentioned 'Dawn first saw Jerry, after so long'. It's because they were both staying in the same neighbourhood when they were much youngerand Dawn's first crush was actually Jerry. Jerry seen her before in the neighbourhood and found her attractive too but at that time they didn't know one another.

They had great times together, he held her hand slightly higher like a princess whenever walking up the stairs or escalator, she puts her arms around his shoulder, he smell her hair, she tried tickling him all the time, he folds tissue for her everytime, they tried to hit high hanging objects together, brought her rose, she filed his nails, he always managed to find songs for her, she made the songs their theme, they play 'ti kam' together and he suprised her with her favourite tinkle-bell, he send her home on every date, they purposely took train from the other end to her place to spend more time together then a bus from a train stop away from her place, sharing intimate moments at the sky garden and by the shore , gave each other lovey dovey nicks, even talked about their future and dreams together, how much children and such. There was once when they almost quarrelled because Jerry wants to send her back cause he felt it's his duty to send her home safely whereas Dawn knew he's tired and wanted him to go home straight. Almost an arguement, then they hugged each other and kised, everything was back to normal. Everyday their presences in each other's life gets more and more important and everything was perfect.

Jerry had a family crisis. His dad got cancer, his business flopped. Got heavily debted, and to make matter worse his elder sister and brother have got finacial problems and are facing bankruptcy. Only his 2nd sister & mum plus him left to support the family, clear the debts, settle bills and the costly medical fee for his dad. At times, they even got their electricity, water supply and telephone line cut off. The family tie went rocky, everyday he went home facing the same issue on money. Living in a home with fears on no electricity, no water supply, no communication, no understanding. Slowly he realised that he faces a new problem which the fact that he may not be able to further his studies due to his current crisis. He needs to work to support his family, yet settling his school fee. Such tough route ahead. Nevertheless whatever fails him, he knows he could just turn to Dawn for the moral support he needed for he to carry on. To him a hug from her was all he needs to keep him moving for her embrace is filled with sunshine and love. But things happened around him too fast and he couldn't accepted the fact he had everything just like yesterday and suddenly it was all but gone. 'Not all gone,' he told himself, 'I still have my Dawn. I'm sure she'll understand what i'm going through.' But his self-esteem kicked in immediately. He knows he can't give her the happiness and promises they had , and to make things worse, being with him will only drag her into suffering too. Such fears amplifies everytime he thinks about it. 'No. Not now, when the time comes, I'll tell her.'

One day, finally all hell started to break loose. Dawn noticed Jerry's worried face and asked him anything wrong but he said no, 'Not now.' he told himself. But soon after she realised that he was lying. She felt a sense of discomfort, 'where's the trust we had?', 'Where's the promise they kept about being truth to one another?'. She felt her love being shaken. She too, faces problems around her. The fact that she's going to overseas for further studies have been brought forward by his dad's decision has made her wondering how much she will lose out over here. She's not prepared. And so she quickly hides in her own shell. She began to isolate herself, using all her might to keep the distance between Jerry. To make matter worse, a third party was involved. His name, Leong, who knows the presence of the relationship, didn't stop his decision in courting her since furthermore now he's at the advantagous position now. She too, uses this opportunity to open herself up for others, enjoyed his companion, indulging herself with the attention and love she got, whereas keeping the door close shut for Jerry. Jerry senses what's wrong but it was too late. Even after telling her all his problems and concern but it just can't reach her thoughts through the thick armored shell.

He began to lose himself. She changes her status to open relationship, denied Jerry's presence and avoid him, only leaving him communication via SMS and through the internet. They can only talk through a lifeless monitor and cellphone. So cold, so cruel, And everytime he starts a conversation with her to captures her attention it either didn't lasted or she didn't even bothered to reply. She too, felt speechless at times, just throw away the present situation and run away from it, little did she knows he's suffering. Dawn hangs out with Leong almost daily, she knows he likes him, and she felt moved at times. She talks about him like nobody business, as though Jerry was invisible. Jerry knows about it, but he just can't stop it from happening. It's like watching your loved one boarding a plane that you know it's gonna crash yet you can't tell her or stop her. Every now and then he had this gush of feeling to hug her and hope that it'll be back to normal again. But he couldn't even get to see her, the fact that she rejected him as much as he wanted to meet her. All her short and sharp replies in the SMS and MSN stabbed him brutally, leaving him wonder where have all the lovey dovey messages gone to. The urge to see her and hug her gets stronger and stronger, and to get things sort out, but only make him fall harder than ever and always in vain.

Then he remembered and realised what she said before. 'You have to love yourself before you love someone.' Dawn loves herself more than she does for him, that's why the shell was there to protect herself from getting hurt. For him who loves her more than himself thinks otherwise. Love is something when it gets real, it's not within his control for once someone told him if love have to be controlled, then love is not natural or genuine. She wanted the space badly, knowing she needs the attention & love she could get to replace the shaken ones she had for Jerry, whereas Jerry only needed just her attention & love, yet it's no where near. 'What happen?' he thought, when the love didn't change between them but everything else just did. Each rejection, each messages, each time he went to the places they've been before is a heavy blow. Every now and then during work, at night or even alone, he'll suddenly run into the toilet and hide. He just broke down inside alone.

One day, he decided to ask her out once more but was told that she's having dinner at home. He carrys on to work biting his lips, holding back his emotion before he breaks down again. Then it was only by chance he found out she was actually out with Leong, having a great time together. He was in total trance. While on his way to take his public transport, he was gazing at the lovey dovey messages she used to send him. Suddenly a car came out of nowhere and knocked onto him and was sent to the ICU. He told himself not to give up, especially not the love and trust he had for her, but it just collapsed. He requested a piece of paper and jotted down a message for Dawn during his last few breath. Two days later the piece of paper was delievered to dawn and it wrote: "

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Dear Mrs Pig(Your fav nick)

I've not regret loving you more than i love myself & i'm glad that i love you with all my heart because i know only you deserved to either break it totally to have it as a whole.
I'm sorry I can't give you the happiness, but I know HE will be able to give you everything i couldn't. The pain is excruciating and i think i can't hold on. Please take care of yourself. I Love You Always.

Yours sincerely,
Mr Pig.

P.S. If the feeling of love is real, then it must be true. For true love is what only brings us together.

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The ink began to smudge. The tears came pouring down on the paper. It was the only piece of paper that shared both their tears together. Suddenly she realised what she've lost and cried so hard, started running around to nowhere having the sudden strong gush of feeling to hold him once again in his arms and feel his love, but it was all too late.

~~~So when was the last time you have the strong gush of feelings to hug your loved ones?~~~

The Lost Soul|9:47 AM|

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\\Welcome to World Of Sorrows: Sorrows Of Creations//

Welcome to my World Of Sorrows: Sorrows Of Creations. This place is set up for me to place drawings i did, songs i wrote and love stories too. Most of them are created out of my past experiences, agony, dejection, depression, distress, grieving, hardship, heartache, heartbreak, misery, pain, regret, sadness, suffering, unhappiness, upset, woe. In short, my sorrows. Hope you'll appreciate my workpiece of love & hate and find a spot in here to learn something about love from my creations.

The Lost Soul|4:33 PM|

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